I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
