dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
