thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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