with your own penis?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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