good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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