Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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