Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
