did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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