She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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