I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
