Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
