The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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