The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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