You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This house was built for laser tag.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
