You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
