It's Friday. Sex?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
