apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
