OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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