I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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