my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
