Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
