Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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