if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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