he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
