Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
