I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
