My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
