I bet he comes in French.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
