I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
