i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
