Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
