love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
