YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
