God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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