I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
