there's paper in my vomit.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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