I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
