My liver just broke up with me...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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