I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
3 2 1 whiskey
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
