Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
