I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
