actually, I'm a sock model
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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