Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
