Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
