Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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