will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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