Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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