I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
