So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
