I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
