oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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