Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
