pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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