btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
