I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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