Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
