I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
