you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
