I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
