Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
