I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
