I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
