it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
