Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My cat gives me a boner
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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