Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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