i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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