Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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