Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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