i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
